Sometimes Starting Over Is Glamorous…and Sometimes It’s Not
Yes, moving to a new city is cute. Until you’re crying in IKEA.
There’s something romantic about the idea of starting over.
New job. New city. New friends. New you.
Cue the inspirational playlist and a perfectly lit apartment tour.
But what no one shows on Instagram is the part where you’re assembling a $49 coffee table alone at 11:47 p.m., questioning all your life choices while the Allen key lies somewhere under a pile of screws.
The truth? Starting over can feel empowering, magical and life-changing.
But sometimes it’s just exhausting, awkward and full of blistered heels.
The Glamorous Version
Let’s be honest, new beginnings can feel amazing.
There’s a real high that comes with taking charge of your life. Whether you’re moving out, switching cities, ending a relationship or leaving behind a place that no longer feels like home, starting over offers you the chance to rewrite your story.
Psychologists call it the fresh start effect — associating change with a clean slate can actually increase motivation and goal-setting.
You make Pinterest boards. You buy candles. You imagine your soft rebrand as the main character of your life.
For a moment, it really feels like anything is possible.
The Not-So-Glamorous Reality
Here’s what people don’t post about starting fresh.
The paperwork, the loneliness, the wrong bus stop, the $10 “delivery fee” you didn’t see coming and yes, the meltdown in IKEA when you find out the curtains you built your entire bedroom vibe around are out of stock.
Even if you’re excited, and even if you chose this new chapter, it can still feel disorienting. Sometimes, it’s not about missing the old place; it’s about missing familiarity, predictability and the people who already know your coffee order.
This is what psychologists refer to as the honeymoon-crash cycle, a period of excitement followed by emotional fatigue when reality sets in.
There’s no fixed timeline for settling in. One day you might feel like a fearless adventurer. Next, you can’t figure out how to order takeout in the new language and just eat cereal instead.
That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re adjusting.
Here are a few things that help:
- Lower your expectations. If you’re not thriving by week two, that’s okay. Eat, sleep, text someone you love. The rest can wait.
- Ask for help. Join a community group. Tell your coworker you’re new. Use services designed for newcomers. You’re not a burden — you’re human.
- Celebrate the little wins. Finding a park near your place? Huge win. Doing laundry without crying? Even bigger.
Helpful Resources for the Transition
- Arrive: A digital toolkit for newcomers with guides on work, housing and daily life
- YMCA Newcomer Services: Free support with job hunting, language learning and community connections
- Meetup: Find groups in your area based on your interests
- MyWellbeing: Mental health advice for those navigating major life changes
There’s this pressure to love your new life right away and to make it look effortless. But you’re not behind. Everyone has a path to follow and you’re just taking the time to build yours..
You’re allowed to miss your old life and still be grateful for your new one. You’re allowed to cry and still call it progress. And you’re allowed to take up space in your new story, even if it still feels unfamiliar.
Starting over isn’t about having it all figured out.
It’s about showing up anyway.
Even if that means doing it one IKEA screw at a time.